roseveare

roseveare @ 2019-01-24T14:10:00

2019-01-24T14:34:37Z

I could really use someone interested in reading my original work. I've had no luck with 13 agents so far and one guy who was an absolute turd about it in amongst that. I'm starting to feel really down and as though I'm wasting my time. The only person so far who has read the full draft is the one I paid to look at it and her advice was an absolute "no do not self publish, get an agent and do it properly" so she seemed to think it was good enough. Yet how do I stand any chance selling it if I can't even get friends to read it, and not a single other person has come back. The person I paid to read it is literally the only other person other than me who's read the full draft and come back to me about it. People irl, at work, and online, nothing.

I don't know how to solve this. If I ask again I'm just giving it to more people that probably won't come back because its happened again and again. Its not slash, not erotica, not primarily a romance (though it does have a strong central m/f relationship) and it seems that makes it of no interest to the fandom crowd.

Does anyone know any groups or sites for this kind of thing that are reliable and safe from things like stealing work?

I just don't know what to do. I'm not looking for apologies from the people who'd said they'd read it and didn't. I'm just feeling shitty and hopeless and looking for a solution because I feel like I have no options and no chance and I'm writing in a void with no feedback encouragement or sounding board to judge what works and doesn't. My close family who i could've reasonably expected to read anything are dead. Most of the people in my life don't read fantasy. I have one close friend who does and who writes herself and she won't even read it, pleading bad concentration. And i really dont know what's up there because a few years ago we swapped short stories while on a trip: i read hers and talked about it, she never read mine, and its gone on from there.

I just absolutely feel like i can't get anywhere. I'm writing - I' m writing loads - but what's it for?

(Aaand I've just noticed a bloody stupid mistake in the thing, going over the draft again and amending the contents page into ebook format, because it's only really apparent from the chapter headers unless you're paying a lot of attention to what day it is. How did I not spot that before?)

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roseveare @ 2017-12-01T00:24:00

2017-12-01T00:27:26Z

NANO COMPLETE! I CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO POST A GRAPHIC!!! 11!!1!

I finished book 6 (and final) of my original fantasy series. Half of it's not typed yet, but that's the next job. I did write approx 81,500 words this November, as well as finish the novel (at 20 to midnight). The whole book, which I started for last year's nano, is around 150k.

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roseveare @ 2017-11-21T11:54:00

2017-11-21T11:56:38Z

38,000 on nanowrimo, approx. In the end, I am finishing the novel I started last year, so it's not a new thing and not the novellas I was thinking of doing before the month started. Once I got going, I want to get this thing finished.

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roseveare @ 2017-08-14T23:49:00

2017-08-14T22:51:03Z

I... may actually be close to having an edited version of Book 1 of the original fantasy series that tracks as a novel.

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roseveare @ 2017-05-09T08:23:00

2017-05-09T07:26:37Z

Finished editing the beta draft of a fic yesterday (Magic Mark & the Deal). Hoping to post at the weekend. Maybe I'll soon get around to the other things I keep saying I'll do.

Thinking of getting a cat to keep me company in this big empty house. A friend at work is pushing to find homes for a batch of mucky-black-grey kittens.

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roseveare @ 2017-05-07T10:33:00

2017-05-07T09:58:03Z

Pondering the fics I have on the to-edit pile and in drafts at the moment. I haven't, at this point, finished a story in about 6 months. Both the ones I wrote at the end of last year were coloured by my RL situation. I do wonder how obvious it was that White Noise was about my depression at losing everyone at once, although I also really like that fic and found writing it very comforting. But the other one was dross because I was supposed to be writing something non-miserable, and everything I write in the immediate future is going to be coloured by the same things. It isn't going to hurt the original novel about death and resurrection of my main character (though that's still untouched since Nano) and it's not going to hurt House of Mara #3, which I've picked at in recent weeks, but there were things I'd planned to do that were intended to be more cheerful and I don't know when I'll be in a place where it's possible to reach that kind of tone again in writing. In fact, it might be better to go the cathartic route as in White Noise and get to some darker places if I decide to write, and ditch planned ideas for the time being.

At the moment, though, nothing much is happening at all. I think the next move is to try and edit something to post, but it's only a case of picking at it in tiny bursts, right now, because my concentration and impetus are shot. Getting back into fandom would probably be better for me than not, though, given the amount of time I'm spending alone.

In practice, I'm equally likely to start something like massive podfic readings of things I never planned to podfic (Great Stores, Great Choices, case in point) and then abandon it, instead of focusing. Argh. Nothing's really working at the moment; the family I have left are busy being dysfunctional and deliberately isolating themselves, my social options seem to cost money that I need to be saving to spend on a house that needs roof repairs and a new central heating system. I've started spending a lot of time reading fiction books again, which I hadn't really done for a few years now, but I'm not altogether sure that it's healthy in the context, above fandom pursuits which at least have the interactive element. Though it doesn't really help that LJ's fandom component seems to have combusted.

Meh, I say. Meh.

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roseveare @ 2017-05-06T23:57:00

2017-05-06T23:05:01Z

So even though the only part of the trilogy that had any fandom response of note was the final movie, AO3 have decided to change Once Upon a Time in Mexico fandom/OUATIM, which was known by that acronym for a REALLY LONG DAMN TIME, to 'El Mariachi trilogy' so that it will be that much harder for anyone to ever find it.

I cannot be the only person who thinks the decisions made on this archive are increasingly fucked in the head and counter to the interests of the fandoms concerned.

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roseveare @ 2017-03-19T10:31:00

2017-03-19T10:33:45Z

Just fixed a bloody stupid error toward the end of Risen two and a half years on from posting the damn fic, where Wade's knife disappeared/got ignored completely by Nathan when he dropped it in the naked-fight-in-the-shower scene. Hate finding these gaffs.

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nano, etc.

2016-12-04T09:45:13Z

I completed 50k for NaNoWriMo for the first time since I think 2013 (which was a Haven fanfiction that's still not edited and posted). I now have a good half of Book 6 of my fantasy series, the last installment of the series this story was always meant to be. Still need to complete the actual novel over the next month or two. I've also been working on typing the chunk out of Book 1 that was never typed from 2012. I might actually manage to do something with this thing yet. Yes, it's the thing with Gwydion and Irene. I just checked the dates on the old files and I can't believe I've been writing this since at least 2005.

Fandom has kind of suffered in the last few months due to lack of time and writing focus on original. I have a lot of Haven drafts still to edit and post, plus an FMA story, plus the old handful of 3x3 Eyes and Jake 2.0 stories I never sorted out. I dislike leaving things unfinished. If anyone's interested in beta-reading and prodding me into getting something sorted, I'd love to send a draft your way. The Haven stuff is Sea Change IV, a Nathan/OMC + Nathan/Duke fic, a gen with Nathan and Jordan trapped in a video game on opposite sides of a shoot-'em-up, the a-world-without-Audrey-Parker novel from 2013's nano, and a gen AU about Nathan and Lexie where they meet on the road instead of in Haven.

[I also have Nexus, which has been beta-read, but which I'm still staring at contemplatively wondering whether to rewrite and issue as some form of epub self-published original erotic pagan fantasy. It's het, though, counter to most of the folks I know who've self-published. But it's so removed from Haven it's basically an original work with Nathan Wuornos stuck in the middle of it as it is. Biggest obstacle is Nathan's Trouble. He'd probably have to be reworked as suffering from some CIPA variant. Which is interesting in itself.]

Likewise if anyone is interested in reading the original stuff. I'm thinking I won't post to the original fic journal again, since it didn't get much response back when it was fresh, and that was years ago now.

I've got vast amounts of RL stuff to sort out, which I'm mostly sorting out alone, which includes dealing with a big old house that desperately needs some care and maintenance, and winter isn't helping with the damp/cold related issues. I'm upkeeping two homes at the moment, and need to get everything moved from the flat to the house within the next 2-3 months. I'm also doing more non-photoshop artwork lately, since mum left a ton of art equipment.

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roseveare @ 2016-11-01T20:06:00

2016-11-01T20:09:29Z

5000 words on NaNo this afternoon! Fingers crossed things continue this way...

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roseveare @ 2016-11-01T10:41:00

2016-11-01T10:54:13Z

I don't know if I'm too depressed to write, or just too busy to find time, but I might be too depressed to write well, or to write happy. Trying to summon positivity to inject into the Troubled Tales fic was hard. I'm going to at least attempt to do NaNoWriMo, though. Original fiction, Gwydion's resurrection-and-revenge story that was always supposed to close the series. I think I'm in the mental place for some fucked-up-ness in my usually lighter, comedic fantasyverse.

I went to a Halloween party the other day dressed as a ghostbuster. Currently wrestling a bit with Samhuinn, given the recent events of my life. Off work this week, to give myself chance to approach NaNo, which also means I'll have more time alone and more time to think than I've had since my family died.

I've done a fair bit of drawing (non-fandom stuff) recently that I might put up here, I'm not sure. But I've not had a terrific amount of time for that, either. A lot of time has been consumed by practicalities and survival.

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Troubled Tales 2016 is live!

2016-10-30T10:30:39Z

The Troubled Tales 2016 Haven fanfiction exchange collection is live!

(Names revealed early, because I opened the collection on my phone at a Halloween party last night and something appears to have Gone Amiss, even if 'anonymous' is still checked on the archive and so I am not sure... how... It must be a Trouble.)

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FIC: [Haven] White Noise (PG13, gen)

2016-10-16T09:28:57Z

I'm still concerned about my ability to write any more in my life's current climate, because this fic ended up being a channel for quite a lot of feelings. But nonetheless, it's a reasonable length fic and the first thing I've written since the accident, so yay?

TITLE: White Noise
AUTHOR: roseveare
RATING: PG13
LENGTH: 9,000 words approx
SUMMARY: "This place," Duke said, hands fidgeting on the wheel as he drove them down toward the flat intertidal whiteness, paled from the salt and sun exposure. "There's something about this place, now. I like lonely areas, but this is giving me the creeps."
"Me, too." Audrey shifted at Nathan's side. "Nathan."
"Don't like it much," Nathan mumbled.
"You are weird today."
NOTES: Written for the darkfic exchange for Phoenixdragon, the prompt being "existential horror". I couldn't resist giving this one a shot, though I'm not sure if I'll have hit the target or not for such a grand esoteric concept. I was intrigued by the idea of a horror or darkfic where the primary motifs are open spaces and brightness.
----

( White Noise )

Or read on AO3

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driving instructor is, sadly, a raging b*tch

2016-10-06T07:10:54Z

Spent most of yesterday post-driving lesson being majorly pissed off about said lesson and instructor. Woke up still feeling pissed off. JFC, with everything else that is going on in my life, I don't need this to be a source of shit as well.

She spent ten minutes at the start telling me about her personal circumstances -- she's pregnant and looking to finish working by February -- and trying to ditch me, basically. She's already declaring I won't be ready by then, after THREE lessons, and trying to push the idea that I should switch to her replacement she's arranging sooner rather than later. I thought later made more sense, since then I could get all the basics down first rather than interrupt things when I'm just getting familiar with them.

Retrospectively I'm pretty sure she wants rid now and just doesn't want to teach me. I'm pretty sure it makes no sense to push switching at the current time for my sake.

So, ten minutes wasted already. She drove us to a very nearby estate, not like the places that have been a good ten minutes out on previous occasions. She has always included this time, and the time to do her notes at the end, in the hour that I'm paying for.

We went through the processes of turning corners and junctions in her book, which took a few more minutes. More than was necessary, tbh, because she insists on me echoing back basic fucking obvious information and treating me like a child rather than someone with a competent intellect. Then we put in some time doing turns. Went fine.

Then, she stops me EIGHTEEN minutes before the end of the hour, and says we're going back. We haven't done junctions yet, which we covered at the start of the lesson in the book. I am very much wtf what is happening and puzzled about this and although I don't say anything, I would think visibly surprised that we are wrapping up now.

It takes ~5 minutes or less to drive back to my place, where she sits to do her little dissection in her workbook, which consists as always of telling me where I was shit at things in the same breath as sideways comments on my confidence and suggesting in various ways that I'm a slow learner. All of which she sits and waits for me to agree with before she'll move the discussion onward, in a way that really winds me up.

I said that I didn't feel I did very much this week, compared to say last week. I questioned why we hadn't done junctions. She gets all defensive and starts going on about too many cars being parked by the side of the road, so that I'd find it difficult at my level of skill. In various back and forth she comes out with something about "well, we can drive on the big roads next week if you like" -- which is blatant taunting/mockery knowing that I don't want to do that, aren't ready to do that, and is clearly only meant for me to have to say no and take me down a peg. Then despite having said that the reason we didn't do junctions was a physical one, she leaves off on "well, we can only progress as quickly as you can learn" -- yet AGAIN giving me sideways shit about calling me slow.

Cue me spending the rest of the day in a rage because I'm paying £24/hour to someone who doesn't give me an hour of their time -- probably about 45 minutes this week, if it hadn't been for the Great Debate -- and mostly returns that in belittlements while simultaneously implying that my lack of confidence is the biggest problem.

I'm pretty much at the conclusion she wants rid of me and wants me to go to her replacement. And for me? Fine, she's won. This is bullshit. I'm sick and tired of her. The actual physical instruction part while I'm driving, I'm very comfortable with and loath to switch, but it's not worth it for the shit I get in the dissection of the lesson at the end, her lack of support and confidence and respect for me, and the fact that she isn't even giving me the fucking hour I'm paying for.

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roseveare @ 2016-09-30T22:38:00

2016-09-30T21:46:23Z

Pleased to have managed to finish a story for the darkfic exchange. Still needs an edit, and it'll never be the best thing I've written, but I think it's passable and interesting and even if it took a month to write less than 10k, at least I'm writing again. Troubled Tales next.

Also pleased with 3rd driving lesson, wherein I practiced gear changes and steering along the country roads a few miles outide town where I've ridden my bike in the past. Next week I am promised junctions and corners in the housing estate.

I've probably managed to freeze enough fruit to make two batches of wine, though it's less than I'd hoped for and it's starting to feel very much like the tail end of the season now. At least it's something. Maybe I can still manage to grab some hawthorns as well, or get enough rhubarb from the allotment to try that. Still need to bottle 2 of the batches of flower wines from spring.

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roseveare @ 2016-09-12T10:48:00

2016-09-12T09:56:24Z

I somehow managed to stumble through setting up and promoting Troubled Tales despite the things going on in my personal life. I have a few thousand words written on the opening for fics for that and the darkfic exchange, and I've signed up for Spook Me to write another instalment of the Audrey/Duke/Nathan series. I don't know if things will resume as before with fandom, but I'm still picking away at it. I had to default on Rare Pair, but will hopefully finish that (projected to be quite long) fic at a later time.

I've made it through the weekend that would have been the annual major holiday I spent going around places with dad (Heritage Open Days), the days I'd booked off work well in advance to do that. I have a driving lesson today. :/

I'm really tired of people telling me how terrible things are as if that is in any way a helpful thing to say when I am the one who is living inside it and has to try and make something of this situation and reinstate some sort of actual life. (Do not reply to this post with any variation of 'But it is terrible' as the person I expressed this sentiment to IRL did yesterday. I mean, for fuck's sake. Basically: things are difficult enough without that kind of exterior negative reinforcement from people who have far less emotional involvement in the situation. I'm not looking to hold it against people who mean well but when I literally just said 'Don't'...)

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Troubled Tales 2016 - last chance to signup!

2016-09-01T06:49:08Z

Haven's fanfiction exchange has returned! Sign ups until 31st August.

Sign ups will be open a little longer than planned as my connection kicked me off and wouldn't let me back online last night when I was trying to give this a last promotion. Last chance to sign up today!

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Troubled Tales 2016

2016-08-24T21:39:32Z

Haven's fanfiction exchange has returned! Signups until 31st August.

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roseveare @ 2016-08-24T21:58:00

2016-08-24T21:03:30Z

I bought myself a DAB/DAB+ radio to keep me company in the flat without having to have a computer on or use the CD player and involve having to make choices.

So far, Radio 6 is pleasing me, but it's only been an afternoon. It's years since I've listened to the radio at all regularly.

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roseveare @ 2016-08-14T19:27:00

2016-08-14T18:31:01Z

I am setting up Troubled Tales 2016. (You can sign up now, if you want to, I think most of the details are ironed out.)

I have two writing deadlines in about a week: WIPbigbang and Rare Pair. It'll be interesting in the current circumstances to see if I manage to make either.

My darkestnightx assignment is rather wonderful.

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~

2016-08-13T22:57:47Z

I went to see Ghostbusters. Life goes on, I guess. The little girl enthusing as we came out how she "really liked how it was all girls!" says it all about this movie. These are the kind of women I want to see films about. I liked Erin, personally, but I can see why the Holtzman love too. And Patty.

I've written 2,000 words on House of Mara #3 in the last few days, almost edited part 3 of A Toy Story, typed half of what I'd written of my Rare Pair fic, and poked at the unedited supposed fic for WIPbigbang. Things are moving again. I plan to go back to work on Monday, although with the various other things going on I'd still only be working three mornings that week, and four days the week after.

I am looking for groups and courses to join IRL. I'm 38, but I still spent so much of my time with my parents. They were my best friends and I'd always rather hang out with them than anyone. Various members of the groups I'm already in are coming through, inviting me for a bit more social contact. I also spent two hours sat at my sister's house, occasionally talking, but mostly working separately in companionable silence, this afternoon. Mum would've been astonished.

There's a 10 week WEA acting course for £70 locally, which would be an interesting tie-in with the voice stuff for the podfics, and not repeat things I already know the way the bazillion arts, crafts and writing courses out there would most probably do.

Ironically, I need to learn to drive. I'm not being stuck without being able to get out to the moors and the places I love. I can't do that soon enough.

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roseveare @ 2016-07-30T10:39:00

2016-07-30T09:40:19Z

[Hello,

The video you posted on Dec 4th, 2014 1:23:37am was removed for violating our Terms of Service and Community Guidelines, which you can skim over at: https://www.tumblr.com/policy/community

Long policy short: We don't allow sexually explicit videos to be uploaded to Tumblr.

If you think there was a mistake (it happens), you can submit an appeal here.

You’ll need to provide the URL of the removed post:
http://roseveare-ish.tumblr.com/post/104288071744/duke-nathan-lean-on-me-i-wont-fall-over-duke

After too many violations we'll have to terminate your account — and nobody wants that.

Tumblr Trust & Safety]

Seriously? Seriously? It's a slash Duke and Nathan vid. It contains no content that wasn't in the TV show Haven, so it absolutely didn't contain anything sexually explicit.

EDIT: The appeal was instantly accepted and the vid reinstated, so obviously just some anti-slash homophobic asshat complaining.

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roseveare @ 2016-07-17T23:38:00

2016-07-17T22:53:56Z

An improvement on yesterday, today I wrote 7,000+ of the fic exchange fic where I'd been thinking OH.FUCK about the assignment ever since I received it. I'm like, why did I offer this fandom? I've never even read any fic in this fandom... okay, so I've just watched every episode in this fandom, so I know it better than the things that are old fandom options that I haven't watched in forever that I subbed it in for on the signup, but.

And having written the fic, I checked out the other fic in the fandom and discovered that I seem to have written A Pairing That Does Not Exist. Or at least, the other single-digit number of fics out there are really short and really... predominantly non-con. Which, WTF, is not even remotely how I see the pairing -- I mean I like non-con and consent issues stuff but I don't see it as an intrinsic part of this pair -- what even is this, why?

I am staggered, staggered, because it's such a good pairing and such a strong/interesting/layered canon relationship, and okay, the show has a very strong canon het ship and the fandom seems het-based, but even so. I do not get it. Baffled.

I have one more other-fandom fic to write and then I'll be mainlining Haven again until Halloween, I think. I hope. Probably. I have a bunch of things I really want to write and just haven't had time to even approach, like the cap to the House of Mara series and post-finale fix-its. Agent Carter may get a look-in because Jack still has not suffered enough and I bought DVD documentaries on Iwo Jima to watch.

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roseveare @ 2016-07-16T13:26:00

2016-07-16T12:30:45Z

Have a fic rec, because it cheered me up and made me smile:

[fandom: Megamind] Natural by setepenre_set
post-movie. Megamind explains something about his legal classification to Roxanne, who isn't entirely sure he's not joking.

(Megamind is my comfort movie, apparently, because that's what I'm sitting here thinking about watching again. Actually, I would take this movie over all the Avengers and massive superhero franchises anyday. Megamind is hands-down the Best Superhero(villain) Movie Ever Made.)

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roseveare @ 2016-07-16T09:38:00

2016-07-16T08:58:39Z

My aunt's funeral was on Thursday, after a long illness, and right now I am still waiting for any sense of purpose to kick back in. I just feel low-key grim, and my family are out of town, and various friends haven't been in touch in forever, so I end up being on my own for these three days Friday-Sunday, with this sense of having to pick things up somehow. Getting annoyed at people being wrong on the internet isn't going to help that, but a few things are simmering anyway.

There are a lot of things I don't write on here, because I can't get past the idea that if I write them up I'm making them a sort of rehearsed dialogue for blogging, because I don't feel like dramatising my life and feelings that way is a thing I want to do, and there's always going to be an element of that with the public diary format of livejournal and dreamwidth. But then there's also the matter of providing context, rather than disappearing without trace and going monosyllabic and blunt when I do communicate, so I guess: this is how I'm feeling at the moment, don't expect much.

There are all sorts of things I should be doing -- mostly editing -- if I could only concentrate on them. There's the sticky matter of that M/M Rares fic I should be writing, as well.

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