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This morning I was asked what Nathan's Troubles are now, and thought a reminder was a good idea, so made a quick substitution of the art for this chapter, with apologies to Leonardo da Vinci!
Chapter 2
Dwight bluntly heads off Duke's attempt to approach him at the police station with. "Mara was in town, so I really don't have time to deal with whatever other problems you have right now."
There's still the barest hint of a question in that, and Dwight is obviously only hopeful that more Troubles aren't what Duke brings. Duke blinks. "She was here?" Because only this morning, they were there, and behind him, Jen raises a shocked little hand to her mouth. "Was Nathan--?"
"Of course he was," Dwight snaps. "She takes him everywhere. As far as I can tell, he's the one who made sure she got clean away." He pauses to collect his patience. "William, too. Didn't learn anything from that except that the man doesn't know how to grocery shop. And that he got addicted to daytime soaps after his escape from Hell."
"What did they do?" Duke asks, fearfully. He wants to believe that Nathan is still in this because he's got a plan -- even a fucked up damn Nathan-plan -- and genuinely thinks he can help, but he's seen Mara touch Nathan and Nathan cave to her every whim. He doesn't really want to hear about what Nathan might have done this time in the name of Mara.
Dwight sighs and waves them inside his office, entering and shutting the door after. Jen perches on a visitor chair. Duke opts to stand. Dwight says, "She kidnapped one woman, Troubled another. The Trouble turns fabric a funny rust colour. Who even knows why? She called it 'practicing'. The woman said she thought Nathan was trying to help but it sounds like he scared the crap out of her anyway. Some creepy shadow creature that looks like a police officer."
Duke grimaces. "Yeah. I've seen them."
"She said he was trying to help," Dwight repeats, with a certain note in the repetition. "But I do not like that this thing apparently came from the inside of his head."
Duke doesn't either, but Troubles have produced some nasty crap from purer individuals than Nathan in the past. "We need to help him. Mara's got him all screwed up, and who even knows what's going on there with William." William who Nathan can also touch. His mouth dries up at the idea of relaying what he saw to Dwight. "They took a girl?"
"We think so. Went missing around the time they were in town. We know Mara needs people, so we're hoping she's been taken rather than turned into something or--" He doesn't finish that. "The other woman... the shadow thing disappeared eventually. Nathan told her to go to the Guard for help, but she called the police." He snorts softly. "She's going to have to get a new job. Damn Mara, screwing with people's lives. We got close enough to see them, but no dice. Nathan grabbed Mara and ran her down to the shore. They left by boat."
"It might be just as well," Jen says. "He probably didn't want to fight, right? Not you. Not his old officers. I mean, Mara would probably be pretty happy to fight. Mara loves leaving a trail of chaos in her wake. And, hey, it's not like Nathan can't fight, with those creepy shadow things and the forcefields. He said he was dangerous."
Dwight stops and stares, then stands, looming over them, placing his hands on the desk. "He said?"
"He said he was too dangerous to come back and live among regular people," Duke adds. "He's still trying to protect us, in whatever misguided, Nathan-y way his brain works. That's assuming it does work, which lately I'm thinking not so much, and yeah." He swallows, discomforted by the changes in Dwight's expression. "We saw him. This morning, early... before all of this."
Dwight commits to an expression: annoyance. "You went out to her island."
"Freakin' castle. Yeah." He wonders if Dwight's belligerence is still a hangover from Mara and her entourage forcing him to fix Nathan. For Mara to be the enemy and yet continue to turn up and use him as a handy tool whenever the situation requires it must severely suck. Duke is still really glad that Dwight fixed Nathan. Duke doesn't know what happened to him, but when he first showed up out of the void, his body looked a wreck. Mara treats him as her personal arsenal, but if she's also using him for the purposes Duke witnessed, he'd have thought she'd want to keep him pretty.
Duke shudders. He can't tell Dwight about that. On one level he wants to, because nothing could emphasize how much Nathan's swallowed to stay with Mara like a mattress liaison with William. But Nathan deserves to be left some dignity, and since Dwight didn't get to witness how Nathan reacted, cringing away from William's touch, he might only misinterpret it another way.
Dwight doesn't look in the mood to listen to anyone's defence of Nathan. "I told everyone to stay clear of the island."
Duke spreads his hands. "What makes everyone keep thinking I'm the type of person who follows orders?"
Jennifer snickers, but Dwight looks sour. "You're the type of person who's racked up more minor infringements than anyone else I've ever seen. I've noticed that since I took up this role."
"Yeah, and there are reasons for that, mainly Nathan! And... oh wait, yeah, Nathan again! You might have noticed he kind of had it in for me for a bunch of years there. And our boy has never been shy about throwing his position around to address personal grudges. My boat has had parking tickets!"
The corner of Dwight's mouth curls upwards slightly despite his generally disapproving demeanour. "Okay, that I did notice... Laverne swears it was always affectionate, if that helps." His face twists and the curl of amusement swiftly disappears. "You need to give it up, Duke. I know Nathan was your friend. But he's in the enemy camp, and he's not coming back. It's my fault as much as anyone's -- hanging a death sentence over someone's head doesn't lead to them making too many rational decisions."
"He's not--" Duke starts, and then gets ridden right over.
"I bought his intentions when he went through the gate with Mara, alright? I could even buy that he could have been tricked into bringing her back. But he didn't have to stay with them after. Didn't have to keep helping her."
Duke groans and slaps his head, eying Dwight with mild offence. "Man, I don't know what's more disturbing. That Nathan's run off to be Mara's henchman or that you're playing me in this conversation."
"Excuse me?" Dwight returns, forehead creasing.
"I just had this conversation! With Nathan! Because this conversation is the whole frickin' reason I went to see Nathan!" Slamming his hands on the desk might be a bit too animated, given the man-mountain he's talking to.
Jen purses her lips and nods soberly at his side. "It's not like we went out to get soaked and chilled at 4AM on a whim. We have better things to do at night. That is not fun times."
"In fact," Duke says, biting the words off more because he doesn't like the pitch he's making than from anger at Dwight, though the distinction may not be clear on Dwight's end, "this conversation was the reason I wanted to see you. I'm finished with hanging about on this. Something needs to be done, and the sooner the better."
"That much we agree on." Dwight looks Duke up and down rather less sceptically than Duke is actually comfortable with if he stops to think about it. "You're planning to be the one to do it?"
"I called Vince, earlier. I tried to call you, before I came here, but I'm guessing my lack of success with that was due to your fucked up morning." Duke can feel how the sticky spider-threads of this catching him up, cloying and inescapable. He doesn't want to be the guy that helps... No, hold that: he doesn't not-want to help, when he knows the situation is dire and Troubles are rife, and his friends are in danger, and all the things at stake. But he definitely doesn't want to be that guy. Now, without even Audrey or Nathan's coattails to tag onto, without the excuse that, hey, it's their show, he's just the support... He honed his instincts to look out for number one better than this.
Except if Dwight, the Guard, Vince, the town... if they lead the charge, Nathan becomes collateral, another enemy, something in the way.
Duke has to be in this if he wants to save Nathan
"You called Vince?" Dwight presses forward, low and cautious. "You want the Guard in on this?"
"Hell, we need the biggest damn guns they've got. Nathan's fucking arsenal of Troubles is going to be a bitch to get around, but there has to be something the Guard can bring to bear to match him."
"You plan to fight him?" Dwight exudes surprise, though his eyes remain suspicious. "I thought this was a rescue campaign."
"To save him, we're going to have to go through him." Duke doesn't like any of it, but that much is plain to see. "This Mara and William situation is... so fucked up, Sasquatch. They treat him like... ungh, they treat him like crap, and he'll fight for them. They made him a one-man-army! I wish there was some other way, but whatever we do, I can't see a way forward without putting Nathan down first. Alive, Dwight. Alive."
"You really think he's still worth saving?"
Jennifer makes a small sound of indignation.
Duke is a little surprised but gratified to hear it. "Of course I do!" He flails his arms. "That was -- fuck you, Dwight. That much was always true."
"Then what's changed now?" Dwight's abrasive with impatience. "Why are you here, Duke?"
"Now I think he needs saving."
It shuts Dwight up for all of three seconds before he asks curtly, "And what about Audrey? Is this the same old game -- both of you chasing after some goddamn--?"
"Audrey's gone, man." The words are bitter and heavy on Duke's tongue as he shakes his head. "I had all the proof I needed of that today."
"What proof?" Dwight's not ready to tolerate any trace of evasiveness, but he can get over it, because there's no way Duke provides that answer.
"Personal shit. Hey! I know Audrey, I know Nathan, and I'm sure."
"Nathan's as sure she's still out there to save."
"Nathan's wrong, and Dwight, seriously?" Duke lays out his palms. "You're going to check me on this? Nathan didn't get obliterated by an ancient evil entity lurking in the depths of his psyche, he's just being a stubborn dick. And I hate to burst any illusions you might've had, but he's always been that."
Except that now Nathan believes Audrey's still salvageable and Duke knows she is not, and this, this forms the ground that they will be fighting over. He sees the understanding of that in Dwight's eyes, and feels his gut churn. Nathan already damned them all once, to save Audrey. If he believes she's still alive in Mara, there might not be any limit to what he'll do in Mara's defence, how far he'll go in the face of a direct attack.
Dwight forces it out into words, though the real question skirts around the edges, unwilling to fully venture out. "You're sure you want to do this?"
"I have to do this. My Trouble -- if I can get past his forcefields -- if I can make him bleed -- maybe I stand some chance of matching him. He won't want to hurt him. It might be--" He might be the only one left who could give Nathan pause, when it comes to a choice between defending what's left of Audrey. Not that Duke imagines he'd win that particular tip of the scales, but a pause might be enough to get a hit in. "I think I have a chance to take him alive. I just need the police and the Guard to take care of the rest."
"The forcefields," Jen says dubiously, "and the creepy evil freaky police officers." She's eying him with some uncertainty. She knew he wanted to get the police and the Guard involved to go after Nathan, but it hasn't exactly been phrased like this before. "He ran," she says, toeing one of her yellow pumps around in circles on Dwight's office floor. "He ran so hard to stop that thing, to save us. I'm sure Duke is right." She ducks her head away from Dwight's pulled-together brows and incredulity.
Duke ignores the askance of What the fuck happened this morning? writ on Dwight's face. "He says he's helping Mara because if he's by her side he can rein her in. I think he's fucked in the head if he dreams he has that much influence, but I still believe him. Dwight, buddy, come on... Are you going to help me get him away from her before this really does snap him for good?"
Dwight sighs and shakes his head, causing Jen to huff and start a protest, but he raises a hand, patting it down. "Okay, easy... Like I said, this... Nathan is at least some part my fault. Those weeks after he first came back... I should have done more, or different."
"Whole town out to murder him whether it could end the Troubles or not? Wow, yes," Jen picks up with that air of righteous accusation she does really well. "We noticed that."
"I could use you on-side in this," Duke all but begs. "I need your support. HPD's support. The Guard aren't going to be taking any steps to spare Nathan's life at the end of this. I have no idea where Vince stands anymore, and wouldn't trust it if he declared it. That gives me you guys, and you..."
You can heal.
Understanding passes between them.
Dwight says, slowly, "I'm not even going to be able to be there if there're guns around. But I think I get your meaning." He grimaces. "I can't say I wouldn't rather pull something out of this disaster, too. And from a practical standpoint, if we've lost Audrey... Nathan can solve Troubles. Gained a few nifty tricks, even. If there's any chance at all he can be brought back to our side, that adds a pretty compelling bonus to keeping him breathing. There are people I can sell on that even now. We're desperate enough."
Duke lets out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding. He wants to save Nathan, but since he's not Nathan, and therefore actually aware that he can't take on the world single-handedly and hope to win, he needs help to do it. He has Jen's, of course, but the resource that's her book has been silent in recent weeks, and Jen isn't a fighter, and he's afraid every time he pulls her into one of these messes that this will be the time he gets her killed. And he's the one who wants to save Nathan. She cares primarily because he does.
He's going to be walking a thin line through this, with the allies he's chosen. Dwight's good for his word, will help him with the Guard, but they can't control everyone among them still bearing a grudge against the man who stopped the Troubles from going away.
Who stands now beside the woman who inflicted the Troubles on the world in the first place, determined to protect her.
"Well, then," Dwight says, running a hand through his hair. "We'd better start getting our plans together before the next time Mara pays a visit."
***
It's late evening by the time they drift around to the island. William is excited and on a high about both the television and the cook. Nathan has lost every argument he pitched himself headlong into. He spent half an hour of the journey pinned in the bottom of the boat under arm lock by Lurchy, and the woman is still under the seat as they pull into their island cove. Moreover, Mara has been playing, and at least until their household's newest member has that Trouble under control, Mara gleefully gloats that the last place Nathan wants her to be is back among the population of Haven.
Nathan absorbs bitterly the order to "give her the tour and initiation" and spends an hour comforting the freaking out Sophie. Then he spends another hour trying to persuade her to make their dinner as Mara wants, so that Mara doesn't do anything else to her... a looming threat that does not exactly help with calming her down enough to function. Nathan ends up doing most of the cooking again. Eventually the mess he's making of it succeeds in leading Sophie to take over.
Unpacking the groceries, trying to get Mara's kitchen in order, he discovers at the very bottom of the last box that William bought eight frozen pizzas, which have all promptly defrosted. Nathan leaves Sophie cooking the formerly frozen things to put in the cool larder, and drags himself away to furnish some quarters for her in view of the night ahead.
He decides these should be, firstly, as far away from Mara and William as they can be, and placing them off the kitchens is a logical choice. Secondly, he wants them as comfortable as he can make them, as a man who admittedly understands he isn't the most comfort-oriented of individuals. He spends a long time wrestling again with his newly-uncooperative power to create. Making the castle burned something out in him that hasn't fully come back yet.
William, in a distraught and cranky mood, eventually pulls him away from his project. William's high about the TV lasted only until he plugged it in and discovered that even though the generator is cooperating tonight, they have a signal problem.
Nathan already emphasized to Sophie that the island was guarded and she should not try to get away; that with the Trouble Mara has given her, the danger to other people it represents, he will stop her if she tries to leave. He told her to hang in there. Once she has it under control, this is something else he intends to fix. He's not confident about straying too far from her yet, though, so it's only reluctantly that he lets himself be roped in to get William a signal.
William reacts to disappointment like a petulant ten year old, and it's by turns pathetic, amusing and terrifying.
There's a pile of useful books that Nathan got -- that Mara got for him -- that first day back in Haven, with a mind to how his make Trouble works, that explain technical processes, engineering, chemical reactions, and other technologies. He and William are still pouring over them when Mara goes to bed. She spent the afternoon seeming distracted and strange. He once saw her staring into a mirror and stroking her new hair with a strange distance in her eyes.
Sophie nudged a bowl at them hours ago, and Nathan has eaten intermittently and it's probably been stone cold for most of that time. William's is mostly untouched. Nathan hopes Sophie doesn't try anything foolish. He has other things that will keep an eye on her while he can't, but he can't fully control how they'll react. He starts to get conscious that he hasn't seen or heard from her in a while.
It's night by the time William and Nathan hit on the idea of using Nathan's find Trouble for the best place in the castle to put their signal-gathering device. The make Trouble won't co-operate, but William instructs his black spheres to create a dish receiver. Nathan's not real sure how that works, but it evidently does. They end with, for all their pains, a fuzzy picture of satellite sports, with the TV in a spare room at the top of the castle.
Nathan suspects that William is a lot less savvy about the modern world than he tries to project. He did spend the last several hundred years trapped in another dimension.
William has a much shorter attention span than his survival of those hundreds of years with his mind intact would suggest At least, judging by Mara's reactions he started out like this, and his quirks aren't a consequence of his exile. Once they've got the TV up and running, he sits through ten minutes of football before he gets up and says, "Let's go get pizza."
"I don't think Mara was very happy about the pizza," Nathan comments, keeping the remark deliberately low-key. William vs. the modern world is a kind of entertainment, he supposes. He doesn't think Mara was very happy about the TV, either, and even less so about William bouncing off the walls fixating on the TV after they got back, especially once he dragged Nathan into it.
"She's just tired," William says, tapping his forehead, reminding Nathan there's a reason he has greater insight here. "Getting her hair changed took a lot out of her."
Nathan blinks, and he understands that it's more about identity than the women-and-hair jokes William was spouting earlier, but it's still... strange.
They raid the larder and lounge around in the kitchen. Nathan looks for any sign of where Sophie went while trying to look like he isn't worried. William offers the plate of pizza to him, and it's so ludicrous he thinks, why not? and takes a slice. "What the hell possessed you to buy frozen pizza?"
"I liked the flat bread... this is not as nice as the ones from the shops that sell it hot," William critiques, staring at the slice he's just taken a bite out of with severe judgement.
God. "You've been living on take-out pizza? That's what you've been eating ever since you showed up in Haven?" He supposes that makes a kind of sense.
"I liked the crispy chicken and the... what do you call it? Barbecue sauce. Those, too. Kind of missed them when you pushed me down a hole and I thought I was back to spending countless years exiled among alien worlds again." There's laughter in William's face and his voice, but the tiniest edge of accusation along with it.
"Yeah? Well, I'd do it again. Anytime." Nathan responds with layers of false sweetness and a stretched smile, thinking of being twisted like a pretzel in the boat earlier that afternoon by William's goon. At least he's still wearing his own clothes. Mara's either forgotten about the others they brought back or she's been too tired to launch into that argument.
William eats the ex-frozen pizza, wearing an expression that gives a so-so verdict as he gets used to its shortcomings. "You know, when two people have been as close as you and I have been, it's sad that you can still talk like that."
Nathan snarls and turns his back on William, then goes to grab things at random from the larder, shoves the pizza over to get at --what, fishcakes? Something else breaded? He puts them on a plate and takes it across to a chair far away from William, where he sits down to eat.
When William wavers a moment pulling faces, then comes to sit opposite him, it's a real effort not to be so childish as to just get up and move again. This is worse than Duke, who had at least had some concept of enough, even when he was eight. And at least he could hit Duke without -- well, with only normal repercussions.
"I wanted to talk to you candidly, actually," William says, "about that."
"About what?" Nathan slaps his palms on the table in irritation and is deliberately obtuse. He knows exactly what William means. "She's not here to make me bend over for you."
"Well, about that," William returns dryly, "yeah. Because, seriously, I am okay with the other way around. It doesn't have to be you, eh, doing the bending, if you really want to put it that way. You're kinda making me uncomfortable with it, to be honest."
"If it makes you that uncomfortable, keep your dick to yourself. I already told you I don't want you."
William makes a noise of frustration. "Oh, come on! You and me and her! We could be so perfect! Nathan!"
There's a sappy cast to his face that fills Nathan with a revulsion that takes him off-guard. He already got fucked once when he didn't want it -- Mara's manipulation and power combined with the mere fact of William's touch. He reaches across the table and bunches his fist in William's collar before thought kicks in.
"--No fighting!" Mara's voice echoes from somewhere. Nathan's fingers jolt loose.
"Ow," William offers. "I was going to warn you against doing that if, you know, you'd given me any chance to speak."
"Right," Nathan bites off sourly. "You're connected." He sits down again slowly... even as William sighs and gets up.
William goes to the cupboard they're keeping the alcohol in. He opens a bottle of expensive whiskey that smells just divine. Nathan swallows involuntarily as he watches William pour two glasses. His tongue is already trying to figure out what the taste would be like from the scent. But he says, "I'm not drinking with you."
He's not going to let William get him so drunk that he can warp his decisions with the promise of feeling.
"Nate..." William grins as he walks back to the table, one tumbler under his nose and heaven crossing his face as he inhales, the other tumbler held out in invitation. "Come on... I know you want it." He shunts it over the table top toward Nathan's hand and it almost ends up on the floor. Nathan breathes out sharply as he just catches it in time. "The whiskey," William emphasizes lazily and belatedly, with a leer. "I know one thing we have in common is the love of a good malt. Cheers." He raises his glass, then tips it back.
Nathan drinks. The movement is swift and angry, until the taste explodes on his tongue. He slows down despite himself. "Why do you even want this?" he asks, with all the disbelief that's saturated his interactions with William since that night on the monochrome world. "I don't understand why you're willing to share Mara, let alone why you'd want me..."
"You're part of us now." William shoves aside the mostly empty plates between them so he can lean closer. Nathan is often too aware of what William is doing since that night, but this is right in his face. When William puts his hand on Nathan's shoulder, where his shirt is a barrier between them, it's less problematic for him to leave it there than push it away and risk touching skin. "Mara won't tell you. It's not what she wants, but I'm... just glad to be back. It doesn't matter to me if you're baggage or bonus." William trails his hand along Nathan's chin and he feels the burn of whiskey in his mouth, then the burn travel down his throat as he swallows reflexively, and he's ashamed to be too astounded and overcome to shove off the touch that's allowing him to experience it. "Was that good for you?"
Nathan lifts his glass around William's hand and gulps the rest of its contents, then pulls away, standing up, putting the glass down. The echo of sensation continues to ripple through him.
He had to examine himself long and hard, before he dared make any move or let slip anything, whether he loved Audrey for reasons other than her ability to make him feel sensation again. He's not going to let William lead him around by the lure of sensation when Mara already has so many hooks of that kind deep into him.
"I'm not your 'bonus'. She doesn't own me, and you definitely don't." He wishes he hadn't put down the glass. He could throw it. He made it, might as well destroy it. "The only thing she can force me to do is fuck her, and by extension you. Whatever else I do is my own choice."
"...Okay, then," William says, with amusement. "I was going to suggest that we could try to take it slower. Come up with our own arrangement. In the meantime, I won't try to 'fuck' you again, but you, you have to promise to try in return. Nate?"
Nathan stares at him. "Try what?" he asks, far too incautiously in the circumstances.
"Try to try," William groans. "Oh, Nathan, you really are. Try to get used to the way things are going to be! Mara wants us all together, and she gets what she wants. We start small. Start with a simple kiss. And then--"
Nathan laughs because it's ludicrous. "I'm not going to kiss you."
"--And then we call that a done deal for the rest of the day. No more advances, no touching, no nothing. Unless, of course, you ask for more. What do you say to that?"
"You're lying," is what Nathan says, uncertain, pretty sure his face must be twisted as all hell.
If he had the choice, he'd never touch William at all. But the fact is, the next time Mara feels like pushing it all the way, he won't have the choice... Unless he can make an ally of William, all Mara has to do is change her fickle mind and they play his body like a fiddle, again. With his body a blank most of the time, the things that do touch him leave stronger echoes: meaning he can think back and still almost feel the strange absoluteness of being penetrated, having William inside him. He would prefer to have more leverage against it happening again.
William is a liar and a manipulator. Nathan knows that. He even knows what this is. But yet...
If he plays along, if... William has to give him something, a sweetener, a show of good faith. It could buy him time. It just depends what Nathan is prepared to... willingly... offer. If he's willing to put up his pride, such as that is now, to buy the reprieve.
It isn't like he's going to fall for William if he lets him take it softly. It will at least be a less direct humiliation than the next time they just decide to take him and won't stop.
William chooses to interpret his uncertainty as assent, stepping into Nathan's space and sliding fingers along his wrist where it hangs by his side. The emptiness of his skin lights up with the spots of William's fingerprints. Nathan thinks, sickly, that it should be different from when he's touched by Audrey, but it doesn't feel any different. This is also sensation, while the rest is nothing. It's still overwhelming -- perhaps all the more so, in the moment, in the small touches than the big ones. Harder, more intimate, and things get lost in pain or arousal, which are also overwhelming but, well, different.
"How about it?" William asks, closer to Nathan's jaw than he should be. Nathan realises, jarringly, that he did kind of melt into the touch. "One little kiss? It's not so bad a thought..."
"You don't want me," Nathan grunts, voice hoarse and heavy. He can't feel an erection, and he's not going to look down, but he thinks it's entirely possible his touch-deprived body is responding depressingly vigorously. "This is just a power game."
His revulsion isn't -- probably it isn't -- just because William's a man. Nathan is actually fairly sure that factor wouldn't be enough to keep him from an honest offer and the promise of sensation, after all these years without. But William's a manipulator and an ass, and a murderer besides, so he is not going to fall for this.
"Okay..." Much of the levity has gone from William's voice and body language. He pokes a finger into Nathan's chest, unfelt through the fabric of his shirt. "Here we are. One kiss, now, willing, and I swear that buys you until the morning. I won't touch you again at all until then. Test my good faith, Nathan."
Nathan doesn't believe him, but he'll challenge William to leave him the hell alone. "Go on, then. Prove it."
It's a moment before he remembers that challenge included a kiss. "Finally," William breathes, then lets out a soft whuff, and he's leaned in so close that even that touches Nathan's face. The brush of warm air -- the feeling of air and warmth -- makes him shiver as it caresses the edge of his jaw. "It doesn't have to be terrible. We're stuck together. We might as well make it... worthwhile."
His lips close in on Nathan's.
The intimacy of it almost sends him staggering back even though he tries to steel himself against it. William has fucked him, with Mara's help, but never kissed him. He feels the softness of other lips against his, not particularly less soft for the fact they belong to a man, another's breath breathing into his parted mouth, then the damp roughness of a tongue, teasing just inside his lip. He shudders as William's arms slide under his shirt. That was not in the deal.
"No," he says, against the lips, hands clawing and catching at the interlopers. "No, damn it." His words sound squashed. William's hands move away and he has no doubt they're elsewhere on his person, but he can't feel them for the intervening clothing. He lets William back into the kiss, reluctantly, as the other man makes disappointed and then encouraging noises, though it's beginning to feel like this exercise has been extended for a length of time that is very much pushing it.
"Oh my God," says the usually-welcome voice behind Nathan that has to be about the last in the world he'd want to hear right now. He jolts and stumbles back. He can still taste William on his lips -- William and illicit whiskey -- can still feel William on his lips. He opens his mouth to defend himself and realises he can't. He can't risk betraying Audrey's presence to William.
His heart is pounding. He can hear it, even if he can't feel anything real anymore, now that he isn't touching William. Panic is close. What he just did -- what was he thinking? Is he that driven and desperate already? He forces words from his lips. "Are you going to keep your promise? You don't touch me until morning."
"Oh, Nathan," Audrey says, a pang in her voice. "I'm sorry. I didn't really think..."
But William's talking, and he can't focus on them both at once. "Yeah. I guess so, although that ending was kind of abrupt. I mean, goddamn, you are skittish." He sounds like he finds it more amusing than anything else. "Guess we really did jump straight in at the deep end the first time."
Nathan wants to punch the smug smile off his face, but just tightens his fists and pushes them down to his sides, because the repercussions of that time still fill his nightmares. "Fine, then," he snaps. "Leave me alone." He half runs out of the room. Audrey gains the lead on him by pushing right through him, which startles him, but he gestures her onwards. They're out of sight of William, but probably not beyond hearing. He stumbles out of the front door into the underdeveloped gardens. It's not just seclusion he's seeking. He definitely feels like he needs the air.
It's dark but the moon is bright. A shadowy figure with a police cap turns their way, then passes onward. They're his, so Nathan isn't going to worry about them.
He turns to Audrey. There's a fresh tree stump between them. Nathan's make Trouble can't create or effect living things, like trees or plants. Mara told him after the fact that while he'd been passed out, William had gone out and cut down the most inconvenient of the trees close to the castle.
"I didn't want to--" Nathan begins.
"No. I know," she accepts again, quickly, her hand on his arm -- ghosting the gesture of touching his arm. Through his clothes he couldn't tell anyway, but he knows she can't touch him. She stops her fingers just shy, so they don't pass straight through. "You shouldn't have to do it." Her eyes blaze with frustrated anger.
"It seemed-- I suppose it doesn't matter. It's done. Maybe he'll keep his word. It seemed worth a try." It always feels like he's waited an eternity to see Audrey again, and he doesn't want to waste the time talking about William. He does remember, though, that Mara was tired. "Mara went to bed. Was that your doing?" He mimes taking her hands in his, and she lets him, playing into the illusion. He sighs and closes his eyes even though he can't feel her.
He hears her doubt. "No... Yes. I don't know. I don't know what influence I have over her when I'm not... here. I don't really remember what she does while I'm sleeping. I don't have her memories."
"Maybe carrying you around is wearing on her in some way." It's Nathan's best hope. He doesn't know if Audrey can change Mara, if she's screened off and separated like this. "She changed her hair. Blonde. It's so close to how yours used to be." He reaches a hand as if to touch it, though they can't connect. She tips her head into the gesture, letting him palm her cheek. Sort of.
A moment later, she catches his hand again in her intangible ones. "Let me see your hands properly." She guides him how to turn his wrist with her own movements, until he lays his palms out for her. She sighs with some relief when she sees them. "This is so much better than it was."
She knows Mara made Dwight fix him, at least to the extent he could fix the injuries that were old before Nathan ever reached him. "She went there all ready to force him to do it, but I think he'd have done it anyway." He grimaces. "Dwight's going to come after her, sooner or later. I don't know what I'll do. I'm the one meant to defend this place, but against Dwight? I don't want to hurt him. Worse, Duke was here this morning. Mara doesn't know."
"Is he all right?" Audrey asks.
"Fine. Mara fixed him, too... you remember that, right?" It's worth mentioning, as he pauses and meets her eye to check, because sometimes she doesn't remember things, but she nods. "It seems to be holding. I don't know if he's still Troubled or not. Jennifer was with him."
Audrey smiles. "Then they're both fine."
Nathan thinks his expression turns hard. "They won't be if they do stupid things like coming here, straight to where Mara is! She's kidnapped a girl... or William did. Troubled her with some awful thing. Troubled another one in town today. For all I know she could decide to kill someone next. She killed people... beings... when we were in the void. She didn't care about their lives."
"Yet you're here with her," Audrey tells him, flatly, and her tone and expression tell him not to be a hypocrite.
"Mara's my fault. That the Troubles are still here is my fault. The least I can do is keep trying to find some way... Besides, you're here, so there's nowhere else I'd be."
"Even with William?" she prods, seriously, scanning his face, moving ephemeral fingers over his cheek. "I'd kiss you, but..." She sighs. He doesn't know which 'but' she's thinking of.
"I'm not too traumatised by William," Nathan grunts. "Especially when I can't feel you at the moment anyway."
Her eyes are hurt, though he didn't mean that. "I hate to think of you having to lie next to him -- either of them, after what they did. You shouldn't be here, Nathan, any more than Duke or Jennifer should be here. You should be far away. Go back to Haven. Help Dwight."
"I won't abandon you." Nathan pulls his wrist from her and bunches his hands into helpless fists again.
She turns on the spot, spreading her arms. "For all we know, I could still find you even if you were back on the mainland, Nathan!"
"Leaving Mara and William unchecked? I'm on the inside. I can help."
"Unless she's ordering you to be the one to do the damage, and making sure you do!" Audrey exclaims.
"It doesn't work like that." He tries to lower his voice a little. He doesn't want to shout at her, nor draw William's attention. "There's a limit what she can make me do, when she has to be touching me to really use that influence."
"Sooner or later she'll think of something better than that Trouble to keep you controlled. Something worse. You have to get out of here before she does."
They glare at each other. In some ways it's like old times when their anger collapses in unison.
"All right," Audrey says. "All right. So you're not going to go." She breaks off and jerks her head around. "I thought I saw--" She blinks rapidly. "Oh. Are they your creatures, or more of William's?"
"Mine. Don't worry." Nathan jerks a silent parting hand at the guard, sending it off.
Audrey pulls a face. "Creepy."
"Seem to be a lot of things that are, that Mara can bring out in me."
She huffs softly. "Everyone has some dark in their personality, or I guess we wouldn't have the Troubles at all." Despite his reassurances, she stares beyond him at the shadow policeman until it goes away, rounding the corner. "Why are they... like that? I mean, why like police officers?"
"Mara says it's a play on my pride. Because I lost the role of Chief of Police." Nathan ducks his head.
"These Troubles strip you pretty bare," she observes. "Nathan, it's okay. I already know you. That's precisely how she knows to do these things. Knows what will work." She shakes her head. "I'm not going to judge you."
"Al right." Nathan drags a deep breath. Duke and Dwight he's less sure about, and the way Duke spoke to him this morning he's not overly confident of their faith in him, but his re-emergence from the void was not exactly a triumph. He isn't beaten yet, though, and Audrey is still here, her faith in him solid. "God. It seems like it's forever since I saw you."
Her eyes widen. "How long?"
"Just a day. This morning," he answers quickly, remembering how she had disappeared, right before his shadow guards stirred at the presence of Duke and Jennifer. She has no way to monitor the passage of time. He missed her for several days, one time right after coming back from the void. He was so exhausted from the return to Haven and subsequently from creating the castle that he'd slept through the occasions that Mara slept, leaving her no opportunity to emerge. He comforts himself with the thought that if she remembers that, she's growing stronger. "Just a long day."
"Find somewhere more sheltered than this to sit down, and you can tell me about it," Audrey says, always thinking about the elements and the discomforts his body is being subjected to, even though he doesn't really experience them at all.
They move further onward, where Nathan sits on the trunk of one of William's felled pines, shaded by the foliage. They talk and plot their resistance from within the heart of Mara's stronghold, long into the night.
Chapter 2
Dwight bluntly heads off Duke's attempt to approach him at the police station with. "Mara was in town, so I really don't have time to deal with whatever other problems you have right now."
There's still the barest hint of a question in that, and Dwight is obviously only hopeful that more Troubles aren't what Duke brings. Duke blinks. "She was here?" Because only this morning, they were there, and behind him, Jen raises a shocked little hand to her mouth. "Was Nathan--?"
"Of course he was," Dwight snaps. "She takes him everywhere. As far as I can tell, he's the one who made sure she got clean away." He pauses to collect his patience. "William, too. Didn't learn anything from that except that the man doesn't know how to grocery shop. And that he got addicted to daytime soaps after his escape from Hell."
"What did they do?" Duke asks, fearfully. He wants to believe that Nathan is still in this because he's got a plan -- even a fucked up damn Nathan-plan -- and genuinely thinks he can help, but he's seen Mara touch Nathan and Nathan cave to her every whim. He doesn't really want to hear about what Nathan might have done this time in the name of Mara.
Dwight sighs and waves them inside his office, entering and shutting the door after. Jen perches on a visitor chair. Duke opts to stand. Dwight says, "She kidnapped one woman, Troubled another. The Trouble turns fabric a funny rust colour. Who even knows why? She called it 'practicing'. The woman said she thought Nathan was trying to help but it sounds like he scared the crap out of her anyway. Some creepy shadow creature that looks like a police officer."
Duke grimaces. "Yeah. I've seen them."
"She said he was trying to help," Dwight repeats, with a certain note in the repetition. "But I do not like that this thing apparently came from the inside of his head."
Duke doesn't either, but Troubles have produced some nasty crap from purer individuals than Nathan in the past. "We need to help him. Mara's got him all screwed up, and who even knows what's going on there with William." William who Nathan can also touch. His mouth dries up at the idea of relaying what he saw to Dwight. "They took a girl?"
"We think so. Went missing around the time they were in town. We know Mara needs people, so we're hoping she's been taken rather than turned into something or--" He doesn't finish that. "The other woman... the shadow thing disappeared eventually. Nathan told her to go to the Guard for help, but she called the police." He snorts softly. "She's going to have to get a new job. Damn Mara, screwing with people's lives. We got close enough to see them, but no dice. Nathan grabbed Mara and ran her down to the shore. They left by boat."
"It might be just as well," Jen says. "He probably didn't want to fight, right? Not you. Not his old officers. I mean, Mara would probably be pretty happy to fight. Mara loves leaving a trail of chaos in her wake. And, hey, it's not like Nathan can't fight, with those creepy shadow things and the forcefields. He said he was dangerous."
Dwight stops and stares, then stands, looming over them, placing his hands on the desk. "He said?"
"He said he was too dangerous to come back and live among regular people," Duke adds. "He's still trying to protect us, in whatever misguided, Nathan-y way his brain works. That's assuming it does work, which lately I'm thinking not so much, and yeah." He swallows, discomforted by the changes in Dwight's expression. "We saw him. This morning, early... before all of this."
Dwight commits to an expression: annoyance. "You went out to her island."
"Freakin' castle. Yeah." He wonders if Dwight's belligerence is still a hangover from Mara and her entourage forcing him to fix Nathan. For Mara to be the enemy and yet continue to turn up and use him as a handy tool whenever the situation requires it must severely suck. Duke is still really glad that Dwight fixed Nathan. Duke doesn't know what happened to him, but when he first showed up out of the void, his body looked a wreck. Mara treats him as her personal arsenal, but if she's also using him for the purposes Duke witnessed, he'd have thought she'd want to keep him pretty.
Duke shudders. He can't tell Dwight about that. On one level he wants to, because nothing could emphasize how much Nathan's swallowed to stay with Mara like a mattress liaison with William. But Nathan deserves to be left some dignity, and since Dwight didn't get to witness how Nathan reacted, cringing away from William's touch, he might only misinterpret it another way.
Dwight doesn't look in the mood to listen to anyone's defence of Nathan. "I told everyone to stay clear of the island."
Duke spreads his hands. "What makes everyone keep thinking I'm the type of person who follows orders?"
Jennifer snickers, but Dwight looks sour. "You're the type of person who's racked up more minor infringements than anyone else I've ever seen. I've noticed that since I took up this role."
"Yeah, and there are reasons for that, mainly Nathan! And... oh wait, yeah, Nathan again! You might have noticed he kind of had it in for me for a bunch of years there. And our boy has never been shy about throwing his position around to address personal grudges. My boat has had parking tickets!"
The corner of Dwight's mouth curls upwards slightly despite his generally disapproving demeanour. "Okay, that I did notice... Laverne swears it was always affectionate, if that helps." His face twists and the curl of amusement swiftly disappears. "You need to give it up, Duke. I know Nathan was your friend. But he's in the enemy camp, and he's not coming back. It's my fault as much as anyone's -- hanging a death sentence over someone's head doesn't lead to them making too many rational decisions."
"He's not--" Duke starts, and then gets ridden right over.
"I bought his intentions when he went through the gate with Mara, alright? I could even buy that he could have been tricked into bringing her back. But he didn't have to stay with them after. Didn't have to keep helping her."
Duke groans and slaps his head, eying Dwight with mild offence. "Man, I don't know what's more disturbing. That Nathan's run off to be Mara's henchman or that you're playing me in this conversation."
"Excuse me?" Dwight returns, forehead creasing.
"I just had this conversation! With Nathan! Because this conversation is the whole frickin' reason I went to see Nathan!" Slamming his hands on the desk might be a bit too animated, given the man-mountain he's talking to.
Jen purses her lips and nods soberly at his side. "It's not like we went out to get soaked and chilled at 4AM on a whim. We have better things to do at night. That is not fun times."
"In fact," Duke says, biting the words off more because he doesn't like the pitch he's making than from anger at Dwight, though the distinction may not be clear on Dwight's end, "this conversation was the reason I wanted to see you. I'm finished with hanging about on this. Something needs to be done, and the sooner the better."
"That much we agree on." Dwight looks Duke up and down rather less sceptically than Duke is actually comfortable with if he stops to think about it. "You're planning to be the one to do it?"
"I called Vince, earlier. I tried to call you, before I came here, but I'm guessing my lack of success with that was due to your fucked up morning." Duke can feel how the sticky spider-threads of this catching him up, cloying and inescapable. He doesn't want to be the guy that helps... No, hold that: he doesn't not-want to help, when he knows the situation is dire and Troubles are rife, and his friends are in danger, and all the things at stake. But he definitely doesn't want to be that guy. Now, without even Audrey or Nathan's coattails to tag onto, without the excuse that, hey, it's their show, he's just the support... He honed his instincts to look out for number one better than this.
Except if Dwight, the Guard, Vince, the town... if they lead the charge, Nathan becomes collateral, another enemy, something in the way.
Duke has to be in this if he wants to save Nathan
"You called Vince?" Dwight presses forward, low and cautious. "You want the Guard in on this?"
"Hell, we need the biggest damn guns they've got. Nathan's fucking arsenal of Troubles is going to be a bitch to get around, but there has to be something the Guard can bring to bear to match him."
"You plan to fight him?" Dwight exudes surprise, though his eyes remain suspicious. "I thought this was a rescue campaign."
"To save him, we're going to have to go through him." Duke doesn't like any of it, but that much is plain to see. "This Mara and William situation is... so fucked up, Sasquatch. They treat him like... ungh, they treat him like crap, and he'll fight for them. They made him a one-man-army! I wish there was some other way, but whatever we do, I can't see a way forward without putting Nathan down first. Alive, Dwight. Alive."
"You really think he's still worth saving?"
Jennifer makes a small sound of indignation.
Duke is a little surprised but gratified to hear it. "Of course I do!" He flails his arms. "That was -- fuck you, Dwight. That much was always true."
"Then what's changed now?" Dwight's abrasive with impatience. "Why are you here, Duke?"
"Now I think he needs saving."
It shuts Dwight up for all of three seconds before he asks curtly, "And what about Audrey? Is this the same old game -- both of you chasing after some goddamn--?"
"Audrey's gone, man." The words are bitter and heavy on Duke's tongue as he shakes his head. "I had all the proof I needed of that today."
"What proof?" Dwight's not ready to tolerate any trace of evasiveness, but he can get over it, because there's no way Duke provides that answer.
"Personal shit. Hey! I know Audrey, I know Nathan, and I'm sure."
"Nathan's as sure she's still out there to save."
"Nathan's wrong, and Dwight, seriously?" Duke lays out his palms. "You're going to check me on this? Nathan didn't get obliterated by an ancient evil entity lurking in the depths of his psyche, he's just being a stubborn dick. And I hate to burst any illusions you might've had, but he's always been that."
Except that now Nathan believes Audrey's still salvageable and Duke knows she is not, and this, this forms the ground that they will be fighting over. He sees the understanding of that in Dwight's eyes, and feels his gut churn. Nathan already damned them all once, to save Audrey. If he believes she's still alive in Mara, there might not be any limit to what he'll do in Mara's defence, how far he'll go in the face of a direct attack.
Dwight forces it out into words, though the real question skirts around the edges, unwilling to fully venture out. "You're sure you want to do this?"
"I have to do this. My Trouble -- if I can get past his forcefields -- if I can make him bleed -- maybe I stand some chance of matching him. He won't want to hurt him. It might be--" He might be the only one left who could give Nathan pause, when it comes to a choice between defending what's left of Audrey. Not that Duke imagines he'd win that particular tip of the scales, but a pause might be enough to get a hit in. "I think I have a chance to take him alive. I just need the police and the Guard to take care of the rest."
"The forcefields," Jen says dubiously, "and the creepy evil freaky police officers." She's eying him with some uncertainty. She knew he wanted to get the police and the Guard involved to go after Nathan, but it hasn't exactly been phrased like this before. "He ran," she says, toeing one of her yellow pumps around in circles on Dwight's office floor. "He ran so hard to stop that thing, to save us. I'm sure Duke is right." She ducks her head away from Dwight's pulled-together brows and incredulity.
Duke ignores the askance of What the fuck happened this morning? writ on Dwight's face. "He says he's helping Mara because if he's by her side he can rein her in. I think he's fucked in the head if he dreams he has that much influence, but I still believe him. Dwight, buddy, come on... Are you going to help me get him away from her before this really does snap him for good?"
Dwight sighs and shakes his head, causing Jen to huff and start a protest, but he raises a hand, patting it down. "Okay, easy... Like I said, this... Nathan is at least some part my fault. Those weeks after he first came back... I should have done more, or different."
"Whole town out to murder him whether it could end the Troubles or not? Wow, yes," Jen picks up with that air of righteous accusation she does really well. "We noticed that."
"I could use you on-side in this," Duke all but begs. "I need your support. HPD's support. The Guard aren't going to be taking any steps to spare Nathan's life at the end of this. I have no idea where Vince stands anymore, and wouldn't trust it if he declared it. That gives me you guys, and you..."
You can heal.
Understanding passes between them.
Dwight says, slowly, "I'm not even going to be able to be there if there're guns around. But I think I get your meaning." He grimaces. "I can't say I wouldn't rather pull something out of this disaster, too. And from a practical standpoint, if we've lost Audrey... Nathan can solve Troubles. Gained a few nifty tricks, even. If there's any chance at all he can be brought back to our side, that adds a pretty compelling bonus to keeping him breathing. There are people I can sell on that even now. We're desperate enough."
Duke lets out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding. He wants to save Nathan, but since he's not Nathan, and therefore actually aware that he can't take on the world single-handedly and hope to win, he needs help to do it. He has Jen's, of course, but the resource that's her book has been silent in recent weeks, and Jen isn't a fighter, and he's afraid every time he pulls her into one of these messes that this will be the time he gets her killed. And he's the one who wants to save Nathan. She cares primarily because he does.
He's going to be walking a thin line through this, with the allies he's chosen. Dwight's good for his word, will help him with the Guard, but they can't control everyone among them still bearing a grudge against the man who stopped the Troubles from going away.
Who stands now beside the woman who inflicted the Troubles on the world in the first place, determined to protect her.
"Well, then," Dwight says, running a hand through his hair. "We'd better start getting our plans together before the next time Mara pays a visit."
***
It's late evening by the time they drift around to the island. William is excited and on a high about both the television and the cook. Nathan has lost every argument he pitched himself headlong into. He spent half an hour of the journey pinned in the bottom of the boat under arm lock by Lurchy, and the woman is still under the seat as they pull into their island cove. Moreover, Mara has been playing, and at least until their household's newest member has that Trouble under control, Mara gleefully gloats that the last place Nathan wants her to be is back among the population of Haven.
Nathan absorbs bitterly the order to "give her the tour and initiation" and spends an hour comforting the freaking out Sophie. Then he spends another hour trying to persuade her to make their dinner as Mara wants, so that Mara doesn't do anything else to her... a looming threat that does not exactly help with calming her down enough to function. Nathan ends up doing most of the cooking again. Eventually the mess he's making of it succeeds in leading Sophie to take over.
Unpacking the groceries, trying to get Mara's kitchen in order, he discovers at the very bottom of the last box that William bought eight frozen pizzas, which have all promptly defrosted. Nathan leaves Sophie cooking the formerly frozen things to put in the cool larder, and drags himself away to furnish some quarters for her in view of the night ahead.
He decides these should be, firstly, as far away from Mara and William as they can be, and placing them off the kitchens is a logical choice. Secondly, he wants them as comfortable as he can make them, as a man who admittedly understands he isn't the most comfort-oriented of individuals. He spends a long time wrestling again with his newly-uncooperative power to create. Making the castle burned something out in him that hasn't fully come back yet.
William, in a distraught and cranky mood, eventually pulls him away from his project. William's high about the TV lasted only until he plugged it in and discovered that even though the generator is cooperating tonight, they have a signal problem.
Nathan already emphasized to Sophie that the island was guarded and she should not try to get away; that with the Trouble Mara has given her, the danger to other people it represents, he will stop her if she tries to leave. He told her to hang in there. Once she has it under control, this is something else he intends to fix. He's not confident about straying too far from her yet, though, so it's only reluctantly that he lets himself be roped in to get William a signal.
William reacts to disappointment like a petulant ten year old, and it's by turns pathetic, amusing and terrifying.
There's a pile of useful books that Nathan got -- that Mara got for him -- that first day back in Haven, with a mind to how his make Trouble works, that explain technical processes, engineering, chemical reactions, and other technologies. He and William are still pouring over them when Mara goes to bed. She spent the afternoon seeming distracted and strange. He once saw her staring into a mirror and stroking her new hair with a strange distance in her eyes.
Sophie nudged a bowl at them hours ago, and Nathan has eaten intermittently and it's probably been stone cold for most of that time. William's is mostly untouched. Nathan hopes Sophie doesn't try anything foolish. He has other things that will keep an eye on her while he can't, but he can't fully control how they'll react. He starts to get conscious that he hasn't seen or heard from her in a while.
It's night by the time William and Nathan hit on the idea of using Nathan's find Trouble for the best place in the castle to put their signal-gathering device. The make Trouble won't co-operate, but William instructs his black spheres to create a dish receiver. Nathan's not real sure how that works, but it evidently does. They end with, for all their pains, a fuzzy picture of satellite sports, with the TV in a spare room at the top of the castle.
Nathan suspects that William is a lot less savvy about the modern world than he tries to project. He did spend the last several hundred years trapped in another dimension.
William has a much shorter attention span than his survival of those hundreds of years with his mind intact would suggest At least, judging by Mara's reactions he started out like this, and his quirks aren't a consequence of his exile. Once they've got the TV up and running, he sits through ten minutes of football before he gets up and says, "Let's go get pizza."
"I don't think Mara was very happy about the pizza," Nathan comments, keeping the remark deliberately low-key. William vs. the modern world is a kind of entertainment, he supposes. He doesn't think Mara was very happy about the TV, either, and even less so about William bouncing off the walls fixating on the TV after they got back, especially once he dragged Nathan into it.
"She's just tired," William says, tapping his forehead, reminding Nathan there's a reason he has greater insight here. "Getting her hair changed took a lot out of her."
Nathan blinks, and he understands that it's more about identity than the women-and-hair jokes William was spouting earlier, but it's still... strange.
They raid the larder and lounge around in the kitchen. Nathan looks for any sign of where Sophie went while trying to look like he isn't worried. William offers the plate of pizza to him, and it's so ludicrous he thinks, why not? and takes a slice. "What the hell possessed you to buy frozen pizza?"
"I liked the flat bread... this is not as nice as the ones from the shops that sell it hot," William critiques, staring at the slice he's just taken a bite out of with severe judgement.
God. "You've been living on take-out pizza? That's what you've been eating ever since you showed up in Haven?" He supposes that makes a kind of sense.
"I liked the crispy chicken and the... what do you call it? Barbecue sauce. Those, too. Kind of missed them when you pushed me down a hole and I thought I was back to spending countless years exiled among alien worlds again." There's laughter in William's face and his voice, but the tiniest edge of accusation along with it.
"Yeah? Well, I'd do it again. Anytime." Nathan responds with layers of false sweetness and a stretched smile, thinking of being twisted like a pretzel in the boat earlier that afternoon by William's goon. At least he's still wearing his own clothes. Mara's either forgotten about the others they brought back or she's been too tired to launch into that argument.
William eats the ex-frozen pizza, wearing an expression that gives a so-so verdict as he gets used to its shortcomings. "You know, when two people have been as close as you and I have been, it's sad that you can still talk like that."
Nathan snarls and turns his back on William, then goes to grab things at random from the larder, shoves the pizza over to get at --what, fishcakes? Something else breaded? He puts them on a plate and takes it across to a chair far away from William, where he sits down to eat.
When William wavers a moment pulling faces, then comes to sit opposite him, it's a real effort not to be so childish as to just get up and move again. This is worse than Duke, who had at least had some concept of enough, even when he was eight. And at least he could hit Duke without -- well, with only normal repercussions.
"I wanted to talk to you candidly, actually," William says, "about that."
"About what?" Nathan slaps his palms on the table in irritation and is deliberately obtuse. He knows exactly what William means. "She's not here to make me bend over for you."
"Well, about that," William returns dryly, "yeah. Because, seriously, I am okay with the other way around. It doesn't have to be you, eh, doing the bending, if you really want to put it that way. You're kinda making me uncomfortable with it, to be honest."
"If it makes you that uncomfortable, keep your dick to yourself. I already told you I don't want you."
William makes a noise of frustration. "Oh, come on! You and me and her! We could be so perfect! Nathan!"
There's a sappy cast to his face that fills Nathan with a revulsion that takes him off-guard. He already got fucked once when he didn't want it -- Mara's manipulation and power combined with the mere fact of William's touch. He reaches across the table and bunches his fist in William's collar before thought kicks in.
"--No fighting!" Mara's voice echoes from somewhere. Nathan's fingers jolt loose.
"Ow," William offers. "I was going to warn you against doing that if, you know, you'd given me any chance to speak."
"Right," Nathan bites off sourly. "You're connected." He sits down again slowly... even as William sighs and gets up.
William goes to the cupboard they're keeping the alcohol in. He opens a bottle of expensive whiskey that smells just divine. Nathan swallows involuntarily as he watches William pour two glasses. His tongue is already trying to figure out what the taste would be like from the scent. But he says, "I'm not drinking with you."
He's not going to let William get him so drunk that he can warp his decisions with the promise of feeling.
"Nate..." William grins as he walks back to the table, one tumbler under his nose and heaven crossing his face as he inhales, the other tumbler held out in invitation. "Come on... I know you want it." He shunts it over the table top toward Nathan's hand and it almost ends up on the floor. Nathan breathes out sharply as he just catches it in time. "The whiskey," William emphasizes lazily and belatedly, with a leer. "I know one thing we have in common is the love of a good malt. Cheers." He raises his glass, then tips it back.
Nathan drinks. The movement is swift and angry, until the taste explodes on his tongue. He slows down despite himself. "Why do you even want this?" he asks, with all the disbelief that's saturated his interactions with William since that night on the monochrome world. "I don't understand why you're willing to share Mara, let alone why you'd want me..."
"You're part of us now." William shoves aside the mostly empty plates between them so he can lean closer. Nathan is often too aware of what William is doing since that night, but this is right in his face. When William puts his hand on Nathan's shoulder, where his shirt is a barrier between them, it's less problematic for him to leave it there than push it away and risk touching skin. "Mara won't tell you. It's not what she wants, but I'm... just glad to be back. It doesn't matter to me if you're baggage or bonus." William trails his hand along Nathan's chin and he feels the burn of whiskey in his mouth, then the burn travel down his throat as he swallows reflexively, and he's ashamed to be too astounded and overcome to shove off the touch that's allowing him to experience it. "Was that good for you?"
Nathan lifts his glass around William's hand and gulps the rest of its contents, then pulls away, standing up, putting the glass down. The echo of sensation continues to ripple through him.
He had to examine himself long and hard, before he dared make any move or let slip anything, whether he loved Audrey for reasons other than her ability to make him feel sensation again. He's not going to let William lead him around by the lure of sensation when Mara already has so many hooks of that kind deep into him.
"I'm not your 'bonus'. She doesn't own me, and you definitely don't." He wishes he hadn't put down the glass. He could throw it. He made it, might as well destroy it. "The only thing she can force me to do is fuck her, and by extension you. Whatever else I do is my own choice."
"...Okay, then," William says, with amusement. "I was going to suggest that we could try to take it slower. Come up with our own arrangement. In the meantime, I won't try to 'fuck' you again, but you, you have to promise to try in return. Nate?"
Nathan stares at him. "Try what?" he asks, far too incautiously in the circumstances.
"Try to try," William groans. "Oh, Nathan, you really are. Try to get used to the way things are going to be! Mara wants us all together, and she gets what she wants. We start small. Start with a simple kiss. And then--"
Nathan laughs because it's ludicrous. "I'm not going to kiss you."
"--And then we call that a done deal for the rest of the day. No more advances, no touching, no nothing. Unless, of course, you ask for more. What do you say to that?"
"You're lying," is what Nathan says, uncertain, pretty sure his face must be twisted as all hell.
If he had the choice, he'd never touch William at all. But the fact is, the next time Mara feels like pushing it all the way, he won't have the choice... Unless he can make an ally of William, all Mara has to do is change her fickle mind and they play his body like a fiddle, again. With his body a blank most of the time, the things that do touch him leave stronger echoes: meaning he can think back and still almost feel the strange absoluteness of being penetrated, having William inside him. He would prefer to have more leverage against it happening again.
William is a liar and a manipulator. Nathan knows that. He even knows what this is. But yet...
If he plays along, if... William has to give him something, a sweetener, a show of good faith. It could buy him time. It just depends what Nathan is prepared to... willingly... offer. If he's willing to put up his pride, such as that is now, to buy the reprieve.
It isn't like he's going to fall for William if he lets him take it softly. It will at least be a less direct humiliation than the next time they just decide to take him and won't stop.
William chooses to interpret his uncertainty as assent, stepping into Nathan's space and sliding fingers along his wrist where it hangs by his side. The emptiness of his skin lights up with the spots of William's fingerprints. Nathan thinks, sickly, that it should be different from when he's touched by Audrey, but it doesn't feel any different. This is also sensation, while the rest is nothing. It's still overwhelming -- perhaps all the more so, in the moment, in the small touches than the big ones. Harder, more intimate, and things get lost in pain or arousal, which are also overwhelming but, well, different.
"How about it?" William asks, closer to Nathan's jaw than he should be. Nathan realises, jarringly, that he did kind of melt into the touch. "One little kiss? It's not so bad a thought..."
"You don't want me," Nathan grunts, voice hoarse and heavy. He can't feel an erection, and he's not going to look down, but he thinks it's entirely possible his touch-deprived body is responding depressingly vigorously. "This is just a power game."
His revulsion isn't -- probably it isn't -- just because William's a man. Nathan is actually fairly sure that factor wouldn't be enough to keep him from an honest offer and the promise of sensation, after all these years without. But William's a manipulator and an ass, and a murderer besides, so he is not going to fall for this.
"Okay..." Much of the levity has gone from William's voice and body language. He pokes a finger into Nathan's chest, unfelt through the fabric of his shirt. "Here we are. One kiss, now, willing, and I swear that buys you until the morning. I won't touch you again at all until then. Test my good faith, Nathan."
Nathan doesn't believe him, but he'll challenge William to leave him the hell alone. "Go on, then. Prove it."
It's a moment before he remembers that challenge included a kiss. "Finally," William breathes, then lets out a soft whuff, and he's leaned in so close that even that touches Nathan's face. The brush of warm air -- the feeling of air and warmth -- makes him shiver as it caresses the edge of his jaw. "It doesn't have to be terrible. We're stuck together. We might as well make it... worthwhile."
His lips close in on Nathan's.
The intimacy of it almost sends him staggering back even though he tries to steel himself against it. William has fucked him, with Mara's help, but never kissed him. He feels the softness of other lips against his, not particularly less soft for the fact they belong to a man, another's breath breathing into his parted mouth, then the damp roughness of a tongue, teasing just inside his lip. He shudders as William's arms slide under his shirt. That was not in the deal.
"No," he says, against the lips, hands clawing and catching at the interlopers. "No, damn it." His words sound squashed. William's hands move away and he has no doubt they're elsewhere on his person, but he can't feel them for the intervening clothing. He lets William back into the kiss, reluctantly, as the other man makes disappointed and then encouraging noises, though it's beginning to feel like this exercise has been extended for a length of time that is very much pushing it.
"Oh my God," says the usually-welcome voice behind Nathan that has to be about the last in the world he'd want to hear right now. He jolts and stumbles back. He can still taste William on his lips -- William and illicit whiskey -- can still feel William on his lips. He opens his mouth to defend himself and realises he can't. He can't risk betraying Audrey's presence to William.
His heart is pounding. He can hear it, even if he can't feel anything real anymore, now that he isn't touching William. Panic is close. What he just did -- what was he thinking? Is he that driven and desperate already? He forces words from his lips. "Are you going to keep your promise? You don't touch me until morning."
"Oh, Nathan," Audrey says, a pang in her voice. "I'm sorry. I didn't really think..."
But William's talking, and he can't focus on them both at once. "Yeah. I guess so, although that ending was kind of abrupt. I mean, goddamn, you are skittish." He sounds like he finds it more amusing than anything else. "Guess we really did jump straight in at the deep end the first time."
Nathan wants to punch the smug smile off his face, but just tightens his fists and pushes them down to his sides, because the repercussions of that time still fill his nightmares. "Fine, then," he snaps. "Leave me alone." He half runs out of the room. Audrey gains the lead on him by pushing right through him, which startles him, but he gestures her onwards. They're out of sight of William, but probably not beyond hearing. He stumbles out of the front door into the underdeveloped gardens. It's not just seclusion he's seeking. He definitely feels like he needs the air.
It's dark but the moon is bright. A shadowy figure with a police cap turns their way, then passes onward. They're his, so Nathan isn't going to worry about them.
He turns to Audrey. There's a fresh tree stump between them. Nathan's make Trouble can't create or effect living things, like trees or plants. Mara told him after the fact that while he'd been passed out, William had gone out and cut down the most inconvenient of the trees close to the castle.
"I didn't want to--" Nathan begins.
"No. I know," she accepts again, quickly, her hand on his arm -- ghosting the gesture of touching his arm. Through his clothes he couldn't tell anyway, but he knows she can't touch him. She stops her fingers just shy, so they don't pass straight through. "You shouldn't have to do it." Her eyes blaze with frustrated anger.
"It seemed-- I suppose it doesn't matter. It's done. Maybe he'll keep his word. It seemed worth a try." It always feels like he's waited an eternity to see Audrey again, and he doesn't want to waste the time talking about William. He does remember, though, that Mara was tired. "Mara went to bed. Was that your doing?" He mimes taking her hands in his, and she lets him, playing into the illusion. He sighs and closes his eyes even though he can't feel her.
He hears her doubt. "No... Yes. I don't know. I don't know what influence I have over her when I'm not... here. I don't really remember what she does while I'm sleeping. I don't have her memories."
"Maybe carrying you around is wearing on her in some way." It's Nathan's best hope. He doesn't know if Audrey can change Mara, if she's screened off and separated like this. "She changed her hair. Blonde. It's so close to how yours used to be." He reaches a hand as if to touch it, though they can't connect. She tips her head into the gesture, letting him palm her cheek. Sort of.
A moment later, she catches his hand again in her intangible ones. "Let me see your hands properly." She guides him how to turn his wrist with her own movements, until he lays his palms out for her. She sighs with some relief when she sees them. "This is so much better than it was."
She knows Mara made Dwight fix him, at least to the extent he could fix the injuries that were old before Nathan ever reached him. "She went there all ready to force him to do it, but I think he'd have done it anyway." He grimaces. "Dwight's going to come after her, sooner or later. I don't know what I'll do. I'm the one meant to defend this place, but against Dwight? I don't want to hurt him. Worse, Duke was here this morning. Mara doesn't know."
"Is he all right?" Audrey asks.
"Fine. Mara fixed him, too... you remember that, right?" It's worth mentioning, as he pauses and meets her eye to check, because sometimes she doesn't remember things, but she nods. "It seems to be holding. I don't know if he's still Troubled or not. Jennifer was with him."
Audrey smiles. "Then they're both fine."
Nathan thinks his expression turns hard. "They won't be if they do stupid things like coming here, straight to where Mara is! She's kidnapped a girl... or William did. Troubled her with some awful thing. Troubled another one in town today. For all I know she could decide to kill someone next. She killed people... beings... when we were in the void. She didn't care about their lives."
"Yet you're here with her," Audrey tells him, flatly, and her tone and expression tell him not to be a hypocrite.
"Mara's my fault. That the Troubles are still here is my fault. The least I can do is keep trying to find some way... Besides, you're here, so there's nowhere else I'd be."
"Even with William?" she prods, seriously, scanning his face, moving ephemeral fingers over his cheek. "I'd kiss you, but..." She sighs. He doesn't know which 'but' she's thinking of.
"I'm not too traumatised by William," Nathan grunts. "Especially when I can't feel you at the moment anyway."
Her eyes are hurt, though he didn't mean that. "I hate to think of you having to lie next to him -- either of them, after what they did. You shouldn't be here, Nathan, any more than Duke or Jennifer should be here. You should be far away. Go back to Haven. Help Dwight."
"I won't abandon you." Nathan pulls his wrist from her and bunches his hands into helpless fists again.
She turns on the spot, spreading her arms. "For all we know, I could still find you even if you were back on the mainland, Nathan!"
"Leaving Mara and William unchecked? I'm on the inside. I can help."
"Unless she's ordering you to be the one to do the damage, and making sure you do!" Audrey exclaims.
"It doesn't work like that." He tries to lower his voice a little. He doesn't want to shout at her, nor draw William's attention. "There's a limit what she can make me do, when she has to be touching me to really use that influence."
"Sooner or later she'll think of something better than that Trouble to keep you controlled. Something worse. You have to get out of here before she does."
They glare at each other. In some ways it's like old times when their anger collapses in unison.
"All right," Audrey says. "All right. So you're not going to go." She breaks off and jerks her head around. "I thought I saw--" She blinks rapidly. "Oh. Are they your creatures, or more of William's?"
"Mine. Don't worry." Nathan jerks a silent parting hand at the guard, sending it off.
Audrey pulls a face. "Creepy."
"Seem to be a lot of things that are, that Mara can bring out in me."
She huffs softly. "Everyone has some dark in their personality, or I guess we wouldn't have the Troubles at all." Despite his reassurances, she stares beyond him at the shadow policeman until it goes away, rounding the corner. "Why are they... like that? I mean, why like police officers?"
"Mara says it's a play on my pride. Because I lost the role of Chief of Police." Nathan ducks his head.
"These Troubles strip you pretty bare," she observes. "Nathan, it's okay. I already know you. That's precisely how she knows to do these things. Knows what will work." She shakes her head. "I'm not going to judge you."
"Al right." Nathan drags a deep breath. Duke and Dwight he's less sure about, and the way Duke spoke to him this morning he's not overly confident of their faith in him, but his re-emergence from the void was not exactly a triumph. He isn't beaten yet, though, and Audrey is still here, her faith in him solid. "God. It seems like it's forever since I saw you."
Her eyes widen. "How long?"
"Just a day. This morning," he answers quickly, remembering how she had disappeared, right before his shadow guards stirred at the presence of Duke and Jennifer. She has no way to monitor the passage of time. He missed her for several days, one time right after coming back from the void. He was so exhausted from the return to Haven and subsequently from creating the castle that he'd slept through the occasions that Mara slept, leaving her no opportunity to emerge. He comforts himself with the thought that if she remembers that, she's growing stronger. "Just a long day."
"Find somewhere more sheltered than this to sit down, and you can tell me about it," Audrey says, always thinking about the elements and the discomforts his body is being subjected to, even though he doesn't really experience them at all.
They move further onward, where Nathan sits on the trunk of one of William's felled pines, shaded by the foliage. They talk and plot their resistance from within the heart of Mara's stronghold, long into the night.