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My aunt's funeral was on Thursday, after a long illness, and right now I am still waiting for any sense of purpose to kick back in. I just feel low-key grim, and my family are out of town, and various friends haven't been in touch in forever, so I end up being on my own for these three days Friday-Sunday, with this sense of having to pick things up somehow. Getting annoyed at people being wrong on the internet isn't going to help that, but a few things are simmering anyway.
There are a lot of things I don't write on here, because I can't get past the idea that if I write them up I'm making them a sort of rehearsed dialogue for blogging, because I don't feel like dramatising my life and feelings that way is a thing I want to do, and there's always going to be an element of that with the public diary format of livejournal and dreamwidth. But then there's also the matter of providing context, rather than disappearing without trace and going monosyllabic and blunt when I do communicate, so I guess: this is how I'm feeling at the moment, don't expect much.
There are all sorts of things I should be doing -- mostly editing -- if I could only concentrate on them. There's the sticky matter of that M/M Rares fic I should be writing, as well.
There are a lot of things I don't write on here, because I can't get past the idea that if I write them up I'm making them a sort of rehearsed dialogue for blogging, because I don't feel like dramatising my life and feelings that way is a thing I want to do, and there's always going to be an element of that with the public diary format of livejournal and dreamwidth. But then there's also the matter of providing context, rather than disappearing without trace and going monosyllabic and blunt when I do communicate, so I guess: this is how I'm feeling at the moment, don't expect much.
There are all sorts of things I should be doing -- mostly editing -- if I could only concentrate on them. There's the sticky matter of that M/M Rares fic I should be writing, as well.